It seems like forever since I posted on here. I'm sorry! I didn't mean to go so long between entries. I had a good reason, I promise. I haven't posted because I've been busy. Recent events have stolen all of my free time and energy...but that's for another post. Don't worry, it isn't anything bad. This post is for something entirely different.
It has been brought to my attention that from September 8th to September 14th is National Suicide Prevention Week. On one hand, I'm really glad that there's effort being made to bring attention to suicide because the rate of teen suicides has increased so much in the last few years. On the other hand, it's really upsetting that things have gotten to this point.
So I'm going to turn my attention to the readers who have been there. So if you've ever felt suicidal or thought about suicide, the rest of this blog is for you.
I suffered a lot in Middle School and High School. I didn't have many friends and most of my peers were very cruel. It was around this time that I started noticing that I wasn't like most other students. It wasn't just because I was gay, it was because I had demons in my head that were fighting me. Some days it was like there was a battle raging on inside my head. I couldn't even bring myself to get out of bed and go to school. Most days I couldn't even leave my house.
I went to different doctors and eventually I found out that I suffered from an anxiety disorder. One that I struggle to keep under control every single day.
The point of this is that I understand. I get what it feels like when you feel like you're suffocating because the weight of everything is pressing down on you. I get what it feels like when you just want to lay in bed all day and sleep because when you're sleeping you don't feel any pain. And most importantly, I know what it feels like when the nightmares inside of your head seem real.
There were many days where I thought about suicide. I never attempted it, but the thoughts were there. I self-harmed in as many ways as I could think of. The pain on the outside helped numb the pain on the inside. But it was NOT a healthy thing to do. Hurting yourself is NOT the right answer. Killing yourself is NOT the right way. You're far too valuable.
And the thing that gave me hope can give you hope also.
If you're ever feeling like you can't go on, please remember that fate has a plan for you.
Every single living being has a purpose. It doesn't matter who you are, when you're from, or what you did in life. (I promise that I was NOT intentionally quoting a Backstreet Boys song) You have a purpose. And you have dreams that you can achieve if you put your mind to it. It doesn't matter what they are.
And also remember that there's somebody who loves you. Somebody who will miss you if anything happened to you. You are loved.
P.S: If you're feeling suicidal and need to talk to someone please click on one of the links in this sentence. You're not alone.